A Parent And A Teacher

PARENT-TEACHER Michelle Sale

Being a teacher and a mom is both a blessing and a curse.  It’s even worse when your husband is a teacher, too!

On the one hand, it’s great to really know and understand what our child’s elementary school teacher is doing all day long—the stuff that students and parents wouldn’t even think about.

I get it when my 7-year-old son’s class work comes home with a big checkmark at the top of the page and there are a few wrong answers; I understand when the teacher sends home the same reading book two weeks in a row. I even get it—although I don’t think it is okay—when the teacher doesn’t email or call me back within 24 hours. (More on this another time.) My insider knowledge helps to assuage my fears and put things into perspective.

On the other hand, I have worked with too many middle and high school students who have terrible study habits.  I’ve seen too many absent parents or guardians. My husband and I know what type of students we want our children to be, and we know what type of parents we want to be.

The problem is that we don’t know where and when to hold ourselves back. Too lax and our kids will either step up to the plate because they want to or they will do poorly; too strict and our children will either work hard out of fear or shut down. As a result, our evening homework sessions are a crapshoot: either my son sits down and does it with a “no problem” attitude, or it’s an hour-long ordeal because neither my husband nor I can read his name at the top of the page.

Quiet words of encouragement become too loud. Toss in a crying fit and a possible door slam for good measure, and I regret opening my mouth in the first place. Is it worth the battle? Will the teacher think I didn’t check his homework?

Handwriting is a constant battle. Right now, I only check that his spelling work and stories are almost perfect. It’s tough to hold back. The English teacher in me wants to cover his paper in green pen, but I don’t want my sensitive child to shut down. To make my point, I do read his work out loud and include a few exaggerated reading errors.

Sometimes he laughs, and sometimes he gets angry. Eventually he comes to an understanding of why he needs to form each letter completely. Just like everything else in parenting, you have to choose your fights.

I am a stickler for two things: full sentences and documenting all work. It is essential for all kids—even my daughter, who is in Kindergarten—to write using subjects and predicates. It is amazing how many high school students do not answer questions this way.

I believe it is best to demand quality now, so children aren’t blindsided by a list of expectations in the future. In math, especially for those confusing word problems, it is essential that students write down key numbers and facts, and illustrate how they arrived at a particular answer.

My son says, “I did it in my head.” I say that there is no proof to show that he truly understands what he is doing.  Math may not seem complex in elementary school, but I know teachers eventually demand detailed documentation.

Am I doing the right thing? Is my husband? We’re guessing our son and daughter will either love school or hate it—and blame us, no matter what.